oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
