shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
