So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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