did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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