A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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