I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize