I just saw a hot homeless man
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
