oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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