so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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