You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
