do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
