life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
