I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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