he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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