Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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