trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize