I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize