he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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