Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
