My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize