If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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