the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
