If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
