Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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