You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
