i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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