Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have fence marks all over my body
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
