I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
