Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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