If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
