At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
