i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
