What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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