This girl is more easily done than said...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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