I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
