he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize