I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
