im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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