if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
