Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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