Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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