It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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