Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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