Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
