My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
