I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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