Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
