At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
