dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
