Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
