If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
