My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize