No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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