Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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