In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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