Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
