In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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