i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
