Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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