she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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