Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so much tequila, so little girl.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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