Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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