He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
