I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
