I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
