you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
