I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize