Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
