Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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