So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
