I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
