I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
