I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
