So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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