bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize