pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
