none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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