Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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