Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
