you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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