if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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