Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
