I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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